Parenting advice from Jill Smokler: Faking It
I don't ever recall seeing my mom flustered or overwhelmed. I can count on one hand the number of times I heard my father really yell and the single time I heard my mom utter the F word is forever burned in my brain. They could shoot a single look, which would snap my brother and me into instant obedience -- one that I would pay a million dollars to possess now, as a parent. Back then, my mom and dad had all of the answers to every question I asked, and guiding us just seemed effortless.
As an adult, I know that my parents didn't have all the answers or do everything the right way, but they did fake it really well. Or, at least well enough to fool me as a child. I never once questioned that they knew what they were doing or had any doubts themselves. Maybe that's the key to parenthood: Pretend you know what the hell you're doing until your kids know better than to believe it.
Unlike me, my children will never have the luxury of thinking that I'm anything other than a completely flawed human being. I raise my voice more often than I'd like to admit and my kids don't flinch when they hear a curse word pass my lips, because it's simply not all that rare of an occurrence. They've seen me cry out of frustration and witnessed me slam the door in an effort to scare them into listening to me. They've seen me stressed out and sad and confused and angry. They've heard me answer with an "I don't know" when I truly just don't. For better or worse, they know me exactly for who I am
that's the way to do it...